writing on paper

after my temper tantrum of a post the other day, pgadey.ca sent me some words of encouragement and some advice, which I am following now. I'm writing this on paper, in the same notebook that holds both the notes I take at talks and the sketches I do at various art group meetups. I used to keep a separate sketchbook for drawings, but I would abandon them pretty quickly. this is where the art goes! always put too much pressure on me to actually make anything. breaking in a notebook with some hastily written notes makes me more willing to risk messing up another page with an ugly drawing. I usually write and draw with pen, because I have no self-control with pencils. I'll just erase and erase and erase until I've worn the paper and the eraser down to nothing.

ben has noted that my mood has been worse since starting blaugust, and I agree, but I still wawnt to push through. I know I don't have to prove anyhing to anyone, but I do want to prove it to myself. and i want to play!!! what I really want is to feel like blogging is playing around and having fun with everyone. I want to treat words like toys in the same way that pictures are like my toys.